So many of us tell ourselves being a great mom means putting our kids first. We start saying things like “If they’re happy, I’m happy,” “It’s okay, I’ll go with the flow.” “I’m easy.” But when we say that, what we’re really saying is we don’t matter; what I want doesn’t matter.
Think back to the first time you took your toddler to the sandbox. There you are watching Little Liam playing with a shovel and bucket. He, and another adorable toddler, are interacting. Naturally, you start up a conversation with the other parent. It goes something like this, “They’re so cute together. What’s your daughter’s name?”
“Ella. What’s your guy’s name?”
“Liam. How old is Ella?”
And the conversation is all about the kids, their ages, likes and dislikes. You’re connecting with another mom and it’s wonderful. But you know what slips your mind? Introducing yourself.
That’s the moment you accept simply being Little Liam’s Mom. It’s a playground joke amongst moms, that we all know each other’s kids names but we don’t know each other’s. It feels like a universal experience of motherhood. It also marks the moment your sense of importance drops.
Can you imagine how different it would be if you introduced yourself first, and then brought up Little Liam’s deft shovelling skills?
“Hi, I’m Rachel. What’s your name?”
“Sarah. You guys come to the park a lot?”
“Yes! Liam loves building moats. We’re here all the time!”
Introducing yourself first is a social norm in every other facet of our lives. But when it comes to our children, putting them first, even in a conversation, just feels like good parenting.
I’m not saying we should put our kids last. But we serve no one when we slowly let ourselves disappear from the conversation.
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